this lump in my throat wun go away. im gona start tearing again in front of the com.

all this time i overlooked what was most impt in my life at home. this was the rship wid my brother. all this time i've been out thr, more occupied wid other things in life. yes, those things were impt. but family is the MOST very MOST important thing in life.

hong and dad's gona be away for a yr or so. i noe. its just a yr u say. wel. i haven had them gone for so long.

when my bros ard i never even reli noticed him. but when hes gone. its. its. fff man. shit.

his smell.

his smely moose smell.

the way he burns insects.

the way he 'halloo eeee' me.

the way i get irritated wid him sometimes.

the way my mom calls him 'HONG!'.

the times we played soccer at popo's. i seriously think hes getting much better than i am. im getting old.

the times we'd sing together wid him on e guitar and me on e bed. singing tt is.

i sound so gay toking bout all this shit. but hey. his my brother. oh my god. i cant tok bout dis widout tearing. everytime i do it jus gets to me.

he was never dis important. you never noe wot u have til its gone. hes gona b gone for sometime. i jus wish i cud freeze time. i jus wish he'd pull out of it and not go. but den again if he did i'd most probably neglect him again like be4.

but haf i reli? i do play soccer wid him once in a while. back den when we were younger we'd stay over at each others rooms. we'd wrestle together. so many memories. all dis wud be etched in my mind. all dis wudnt leave even if he did.

absence makes the heart fondrer. absence is also very very hard to take. esp when its coming so soon and u've just realised it.

i gues i'l get over it. thrs always a bright side. is there? yes thr is. i'l be able to bond more wid my mom.

oh. and my dads also leaving. sigh. wel. im gona have to kill all e cockroaches myself. noone to help me pay my bills. no one to drive me back.

all dis seem like im making use of him. all dis seems like hes nothing but a mere servant or something to me. but hes not. hes. hes my father man.

but somehow. i gues i'l miss my bro much more than him. yea, but i'l miss them both.

i love you zhi hong. as hard as its gona be to say it widout sounding reli gay and faggy. but i reli do man. and yes. i'l miss you.

as my tears fall. onto the computer table. and you up thr wid the violin. you talented bastard.

and yes, i love you too dad.