maaan. now im stoning in front of my com as it gets later and later into the day.

spent the whole day at weiliangs supposed to be doing PRMP. if i reli wasnt doing anything i'da came hm..but i didnt wan to cos i didnt wan to start doing what im doing now so early in e day.

thinking.

wel. firstly.

my birdie just left s'pore dis morning for m'sia for the next 3 days.. tts one ting. now im sittin here in this empty house jus thinkin bout 24th dec. argh. wel. inside ting. had a reli memorable night that night,(it was CLEAN memorable man. ) and now..i jus wana go back to that heaven again. argh.

and yea, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and i already am missing that voice, and all the happiness that flows thru wherever we go. arrgggh.

yea. and next, her precious dog jus passed like 2 days ago. feel terrible for that, even though i hardly realy knew the dog...but i did spend one day wid it. and already i felt that bond, and like i knew it. and jus seeing her(birdie) so sad and caring for her..it jus pained me when the news came.

but hey. death comes to all. its a natural phase. of course its hard to take, the tears come naturally. yea, well. its all a sequence, and i believe its fate. yup.

next. yea my mom's comin back soon. on e way hm from wl's i was jus thinkin to myself mayb i shud reli reli change myself. and haf a reli nice rship wid my mom, a close mom n son thing. thing is. eveyrtime i tel myself that, i either screw up, or she screws me up and den i screw up and den tings get worse n worse. i mean, shes the only source of finance, food and everything now. and not jus for that.

i do sincerely think i wana make all this worthwhile for her. make it all easier for her. shes e only one working in e family now. i wana start work too so i wudnt haf to keep asking her for money for stuff. arrgggh. tts wot i always say.

i RELI RELI HAVE to get a job. have yet to go for suan's clarke quay interview. yup.

so many things to say now. even letting alex down in a way. wel, we did agree that he'd come over tonight and do some gay orgy stuff. wel. no ok, seriously. no. was just, u noe, so long since we met. and yea, so long since we toked and ate our hearts out and jus basically screwed up. THEN i had damn proj meet come up.

i reli dunno y she doesnt noe how to lighten up. deadline's far off. i noe tts not a reli good way to tink. but hey. wat e hell man. its freakin new yrs eve. wudnt she let up and jus gif us a freakin break?

i don even wana go into what happened at e prev meetings. and all tt shit we been put thru. argh. yea, i don even wana go into that.

yea. wel, it doesnt count as defamatory remarks, as long as i dun reveal her name. she noes its her. she can noe its her. but i aint gona confirm nothing. but argh.

i gues its jus a clash of priorities..but its strange. me and e rest of e grp mates seem to have e same priorities and perception when it comes to opposing working on new yrs eve. only she seems to be e one differing in opinion.

oh well. yea. wel. sorry alex.

i miss you dear.

i miss my family too.

house is so empty. i feel so hungry, yet i dowana go to e kitchen. dun ask y. mayb im scared.

mayb im sad.

argggghhh. tmr wil be a better day!